Following is an email message from a good friend who knows how to listen.  He felt terrible that he forgot to listen in an important conversation with me:  I defined for him my difference between success and failure in this work:

Stephan’s email to me:

I felt a missing as your car went down my driveway.  A missed opportunity for me to listened, or considering the limited time you had available, a missed opportunity for me to schedule an appointment with you when time allowed so that I could offer my listening.

Please accept my apology for being not present to your discomfort and feeble attempt to fix the situation.  You deserve much more from me then that and it pains me that I fell so short.
When you need to speak, I promise to be present and listen.

My EMailed Response:

WOW . . . you really took that missed opportunity pretty hard and you are committing to being different with me in the future.

Thanks, that’s great.  I love your commitment to me and to the listening process, and I want you to know I see things a little differently.  You recognized pretty soon afterward that you missed that listening opportunity with me. That recognition is the necessary first part of the process of success.  So I don’t see that as the “falling short” you describe.  I really have it be successful, to recover a conversation and see what could have been different.  That recognition can happen within the conversation, immediately afterward, a day or a month later, etc.  And as soon as it’s noticed it can be recovered:  Hey, Ed, I didn’t listen . . . if you still want to talk, I’d love to give the conversation another shot.”

Also, I noticed that you weren’t listening — and I could have reminded you — that is our job with each other, right?  So, I have an equal part in that responsibility.