Listening is a Means, Not an End

As an end in itself, listening becomes simply a technique.  It might look good, and make people feel good, but what is accomplished?  We can say to ourselves, Wow, I listened great, yet it seems much more is required — some kind of action connected with what we are understanding often seems required.  If we are not moved to action I’m not sure we can say that we really understand.  It’s easy for listening to remain an intellectual exercise.

Example:  Years ago, standing on the sidelines with other parents watching our kids’ baseball game,  I  listened with appropriate feedback (e.g. So, it’s hard to see him standing out there, the only one on the field without a glove) to a woman feeling bad about not being able to afford to buy a glove for her son.  A few minutes later, feeling self-satisfied with my listening, I moved away from her to attend to something else. Awhile later, a friend who witnessed my exchange with the woman came over to me and said, Ed, you might be interested in what happened after you left that woman whose son didn’t have a glove.  Remember the man who was standing on the other side of her?  After you listened and left, he handed her $30.

I’ve never forgotten that incident.  I “listened” as a technique, but that man was the one who really heard her. Can we listen, and say we understand, and not take action on what we hear?  Have we really understood if we are not moved to action?

Ed