Archive for June, 2009

This is a note about peoples’ sharing re their listening experiences between Parts I and II of the workshop, before we got into the “Speaking Turn” side of things last night.  My favorite part of this work, by far, is listening to peoples’ testimonies about what’s been working or not as they practice with listening.

I want to raise a cautionary red flag about your attempts at listening. Please consider that “taking on” listening as a daily practice in our non-listening culture (Dan didn’t see any listening out there with anyone) is much more difficult than you think it is.  Really.  This is going into the belly of the beast.  I mean who is plugged in enough to listen to “party chatter” at a barbecue?  The tiniest successes have to be acknowleged for what they are, as true miracles. 

So when I coached Coz that she wasn’t listening to her guests’ sharings, and she “got it” immediately without being defensive, that is a success. Or, if you realize after a conversation that you didn’t listen, that is a major success. It is a huge accomplishment to realize after the fact, that you might have had a whole conversation without listening to someone.  That realization is the success in learning how to listen.  Give yourself a pat on the back for the awareness, and just work on having it sooner and sooner in conversations. 

Look at the supremely difficult conversation Mary was in with her co-teacher about the “missing” child. So much was going on for Mary, especially that she has a certain responsibility as age-group leader for the staff, and she actually tried to listen!  Imagine that.  Her listening might not have been the best, so she didn’t get the “Yes,” and she remembered to be a listener!  I say, WOW, for that.  GO MARY!  What an amazing success that was.  So I saddened myself listening to Mary seeing her interaction as a failure.  Please, please remember how difficult this is.  And Dave and Elisabeth — imagine being able, even for a short time, to be able to be as generous as they were with each other within an otherwise not-so-hot conversation with so much at stake?  I say that was INCREDIBLE! 

Please acknowledge every awareness, every tiny step forward, for exactly what it is — a miracle on the path.  Thank you for your energy and your intentionality around this work.  I am thrilled to be part of this new conversation.  Thank you, Stephen, for seeing the worth and creating Salon for our practicing.  Thank you Rula for pushing Stephen to create that.  Thank you Coz for supporting me to bring this brilliant stuff out of my closet.  It’s so clear to me that every one of us is a contribution to to what we have and where we are headed.  Thank you all who participated in our first “Where Love Lives: Fear-Less Conversation.”

 In gratitude and love, Ed

Good morning!  Whew, I am still full from our conversation yesterday — as if I overate a delicious meal.  Thank you all so much for participating with so much honesty and openness  — it was wonderful to see everyone so comfortable with each other in so short a time.

Interesting about the “honesty.”  I had the good fortune of having Jason and Katie sleeping at my house Friday and Saturday evenings.  I told Katie this morning that I believed her opening comment in introducing herself as “…5 months sober” set the tone for our entire group for the day.

Then I was having a conversation with Katie and Jason about sobriety and my own addictions, because I wanted their advice (which, of course, they weren’t allowed to give!) and an amazing conversation developed out of Jason listening to me.  I’ll share that in another blog entry.  I had 2 very powerful new learnings about listening.  I keep being amazed at how much I keep learning, every day, about something I know so much about.

Anyway, thank you all for engaging in the listening conversation with me and Coz.  It was a day that was everything I dreamed it could be — and more.  I can’t wait for our Thursday evening session to find out how things are going for you, and I can’t wait to be in an on-going blog conversation with all of you who are moved to participate, and I can’t wait for the next “Where Love Lives” workshop.  Thank you for helping me make my dream come true.  Dan, if you are reading this, I know it won’t mean much to you until I write either my Listening book, or my My Body-Your Body book, and having you at the workshop will live inside of me forever.  I’m so grateful to have you in my life, much less as my son.  How can’t I be grateful every second of my life for that? I love you more and more every day.

Hope to hear from some of you.  Good luck.  If blogging isn’t your cup of tea, and you’d like to continue the Listening conversation and your experiences with me via email, that would be great.  Just write to me, and if something seems worth sharing with the others on the blog, I would ask your permission.

Clint Eastwood used to say in his movies to the bad guys who were considering fighting him, “Go ahead. Make my day.”  Your coming to the workshop not only made day, it made my life.

Ed